I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
Randomize
