why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
and i looked up. we had an audience...
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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