he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
Randomize
