I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize
