I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
