I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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