he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
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