Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
ttyl tear gas
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Randomize
