I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
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