I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
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