I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Randomize
