Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
Randomize
