She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Randomize
