dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
