You're a womanizer and a bitch.
My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
Randomize
