When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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