I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
quick i need to know how implid consent works for golf carts
too late i think im gettin a gcui
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
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