A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
i dont even know how to be here
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
Randomize
