for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
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