called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
Damn victory sex feels great
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
Randomize
