brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
Randomize
