i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
Randomize
