I hate all girls vehemently.
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
He did a backflip because drugs
Randomize
