I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Randomize
