apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
Randomize
