please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize
