Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
Randomize
