Porn is love you can see.
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
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