It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
