so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
Randomize
