I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Randomize
