I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
