god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
