The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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