I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
Randomize
