Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
