Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Randomize
