the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Randomize
