So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
I think weed is turning my hair brown
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
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