Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
Randomize
