cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
Randomize
