actually, I'm a sock model
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
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