can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
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