Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
Randomize
