U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
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