The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
Randomize
