So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
My liver is preforming stress tests.
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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