i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Randomize
