dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
