just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
Randomize
