Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
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