mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Randomize
