I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
